Hiii!!! 😊 I’m excited to be sharing my journey with you as I promised I would last week. Why am I doing this? Well that’s what this blog is all about, “My Collage”, like a collage, we get to discover how the little bits and pieces of our lives that do not make too much sense on their own come together to form this beautiful piece of art (every piece is important) and this is one of those pieces for me. So let’s begin, shall we?
I love observing my surroundings, I take note of little things, things as little as the mood of the air around me. If I’m in a tense environment I feel it, if I’m in a happy one I can sense it too. So growing up, things were a bit tense between my parents and I could feel it, I didn’t like it (that’s putting it lightly). Subconsciously, I started looking around other couples; aunties, uncles, parents of friends. Just when I’d think I had found the perfect couple something would happen to burst my bubble and I’d discover that those people too were struggling. Then I began to look within the church, I thought to myself, these ones should get it right, right? I was shocked to find out that what was going on in the house of God seemed worse, worse to the extent of physically abusive marriages between elders in the church!
I came to a conclusion that this was the way things were everywhere, the only happy marriages were in the movies, so I said to myself, No way I’m venturing into that, I’d rather be single and happy than married and frustrated. Marriage became synonymous with bondage and I was having none of that. I was scared; I just didn’t want to get burnt.
Fast forward to 2017, if you hear me talk about marriage today trust me you’d want to get married!😊 But speaking to some friends and colleagues, I realized a number of people are still in that place I was few years back, and I really wish I could brainwash everyone into my present understanding, but I know I can’t, best I can do is pray, talk (and write) and hope with all my heart that the youth in this generation finally begin to see clearly. So what changed?
First, I realized that I didn’t even know what marriage is to start with, via different influences, I had a number of ideas of what marriage should be e.g. the next step after school (almost every lady knows this, after school, next thing is marriage), the next step to being happy, it’s what you do when you find love etc. you could add your own ideas too. One day though I realized that everything I ever thought marriage was, was exactly what it wasn’t. So what is marriage?
If you don’t yet have the RIGHT answer to this then please my darling don’t venture in because no matter how beautiful its meant to be you’d mess it all up. It’s like having a nice bottle of perfume but thinking it’s a spray polish, no matter how nice the fragrance, it’s just going to be wasted on your shoes (a friend of mine actually did this for real..lol😄!).
A pastor I admire said this “marriage is not an achievement, it’s your assigment..”. Marriage was never made to complete us (that’s God’s Job), make us happy or fulfill us and as far as we keep looking to the marriage union to give us things that it doesn’t have the capacity to give we’d stay scared because there’d always be that “what if marriage does not meet my expectation” question in our hearts. To truly understand what marriage is we must go back to its inception in Genesis 2. The first marriage ever, where God himself stood as the clergy as Adam and Eve took their vows.
But backtrack some few verses before the vows were said and let’s see why God instituted marriage….. ADAM NEEDED A HELP MEET FOR HIM. Adam was busy, Adam was complete, but Adam was Alone (not lonely) so he needed someone like him to help him in the assignment God had given him. That’s marriage! and it doesn’t get simpler than that. It’s a union of two people with the singular aim of assisting each other in achieving their God given purpose. Anything short of this is a Charade. So can you just begin to see why so many marriages are failing? Let me help you enumerate.
- The people in it don’t know God so they can’t even know what marriage is
- They people in it don’t know their God given assignments so there’s nothing to work towards
- The people in it haven’t found their wholeness in their maker yet so they look to the marriage institution to give them something that it was never created to supply.
It became clear to me that we’ve actually idolized marriage and placed it above God. We’ve made it our god. We seek to have it more than we seek the one that ordained it. This was my first turning point. I had to get to that point of being so content and complete in God that even if I never marry I wouldn’t feel any less. Understanding what marriage is made me see that it’s not a NEED/NECESSSITY, it’s actually a means to an end. That took a lot of pressure off me and along with it some of my fears.
I’d have to stop here today, but I’d be back next week for more about my journey to a changed mindset😆. Didn’t think this would become a series, but let’s see how it goes. Always remember Jesusrules# and he loves you!