….Something holds me back and all I hear myself say is “goodnight then, it was nice meeting you”. I can see the disappointment on her face but nevertheless, she replies in like manner, gets up and leaves.
I count her steps as she proceeds towards the door. As I watch her open the door and watch it swing backwards as she steps out into the night, I feel like I am the biggest fool alive. I don’t know how I could come in contact with something so beautiful and do nothing as it walks away. I can’t say exactly at what point I start to think straight, But after a few minutes of mentally kicking myself, I pick up enough courage to go after her.
I rush out into the night with a big smile on my face, feeling like a movie star about to make a grand extrance. I am not even bothered about the cold gust of air that hits my face Or the fact that there are puddles all around and my expensive shoes are getting wet. The parking lot is empty now, save for my car.
I keep walking as fast as I can towards the direction I assume she had taken, I’m by the road side already and there’s no sign of her. A motorcycle zooms past, but she’s not on it. My smile begins to dwindle till it totally disappears, I’m standing by the road watching as cars and a few pedestrians pass by in all directions and I realize that she is gone.
I don’t know how, but she’s just gone into thin air. How could she have walked so fast? Or had someone given her a lift? I begin to imagine if I had only dreamed up meeting her, Maybe my mind had played a trick on me and i had been an actor in my mind’s fantasy. But when I touch my damp jacket I know for a fact that she had been real
I can almost smell her perfume on it.
I lose track of time as I stand looking up and down the road, like I am expecting her to come back, but she doesn’t and as my feet begin to grow numb in my wet and frigid shoes, I realise it is time to head home.
I walk back to my car, get in and drive off. The drive home is short and my apartment is dark when I arrive, but I don’t bother to put on any lights. As I walk in, I begin to replay the last few hours in my mind. The quiet sanctity of a house devoid of warmth
makes her laughter so clear in my head it is almost like I am being tortured.
I fall to my knees and hold my head between my hands
With all my intelligence I had gone and done the most stupid thing anyone could ever do
I had let the one thing that made sense again after a long time slip away
Friendship, companionship and maybe even love. I know it may be wishful thinking for me to assume that something may have happened between us given the chance, but now as it stands, I may never know. There is no way for me to find her and find out.
I don’t bother changing from my damp clothes or moving from the floor
Instead I just sit down there and let my mind wonder about what could have been
No woman had ever had that effect on me before. None. Not after a few hours and definitely not on our first meeting. Plain as she had been, there was an aura about her that seemed to pull me in and leave me desperate to know all there was
in the short time I had spent with her I know I had become very attracted to her person
That vulnerable look that held a lot of confidence underneath
Why did I let her leave?
Why hadn’t I taken the chance to start a friendship?
I feel a tear and then another slide down my face. My heart feels so heavy I think it may burst with this pain. A thousand scenarios of how else things could have ended fill my head. Any other of these possibilities would have been better than this. If I had tried and she had rejected my advances I would have preferred that. At least there would be no question of how it ends. But as I lay here all dressed up on the floor
With my head in my hands, a tear drying up on my face and a lonely weekend and possibly a lonely life staring me in the face, all I can do is wonder…..
That’s it folks! The end of the srory ‘i wonder’ now you know where the title arose from 😊. It may not have ended as you expected. I know we loveeee happy endings, but I prefer ‘true’ endings and sometimes these aren’t happy. Hope you enjoyed this though. I learnt a few lessons writing this. If you did too, you can share yours in the comment section, I’d love to read them. Never forget that everyday, JESUS RULES!